dontwanna

Okay.. I know it’s been awhile, but, geez, a gal can go on vacation, can’t she? Anyway, I had kinda run out of things to say..until a certain Buddyslimmer started bugging me.

So after a rainy, relaxing Labor Day weekend at the coast, I returned to real life knowing I hadn’t exactly stuck to my diet and my cousin is famous for cocktail experimentation on me whenever we get together. Sooo…in the end, I do NOT recommend alcoholic beverages mixed with certain energy drinks… bleaah!

I digress, I had weighed in the Friday before with a 3 pound weightloss. The website nagged me about losing too fast, but, you and I know, one sloppy greazy cheeseburger with a side of fries would wipe that out in a day so I was not too concerned!! Arrrrrggh fries… Not only did the website nag me, so did my friend Lyssa. You know, the one who dragged me kicking and screaming to this place.

So, when she patted me on the cyber back for my effort, she also wondered why I wasn’t advertising it from the highest blog. I got the impression she was a little put out with me for not bragging. But she was gonna dump me for a football game on our scheduled day out… so she deserved it. Nyah!

Of course, my first instinct was to differ to my humble nature and tell her that I didn’t want to be the center of attention or appear that I was an attention hound. And that was partially true, but who am I kidding? I didn’t want anyone to notice me…or in other words, notice that I was fat.

Let’s do the math… If a woman weighing 208 pounds falls in the forest, is she still fat?

I guess that would mean I was one of those people still in denial. Despite the full image of me in a wet bathingsuit this summer, I still see myself from the nose up. I refuse to believe I’ve put on nearly a hundred pounds since my sophomore year of college. So, when I get a “Hey, are you losing weight?” flag, I always, always deny it. Because, hey, I’m not fat, right?!

If a 219 pound woman get’s on a train heading south, traveling 65 miles an hour…

How long will it take her to weigh 125 pounds?

<<sigh…>> If there’s greazzzy cheeseburgers around? Not anytime soon.

Well, tomorrow is weigh in #3. We’ll do the math then.

<Crowd responds> Hi Kim

It all began as a child. It was my father, really. He was the one that brought fries in to our home. <sniff!> And now…. my baby!! <sob!!> SHE LIKES FRIES!!! <wah!!!!>How could I?!!!!

Yep folks, after that great weigh in on Friday, what did I do on Saturday night??

They were so pretty, so perfect and so… so… so dam# good!!!!!

I’m so ashamed…

I had been really good all day too. Saturdays are my days where I can have beer, whether it’s 1 or 20. However, I negelected to take in to account that if you drink when you’re dieting… the will power flows like the beer. One minute you have it in your hand then 5 minutes later… you’re in the bathroom and it’s gone!

So I sat there with my in laws and my family, I had my few slices of brisket and some beans… then my daughter, my sweet, baby girl, she gave me a bite of her ever so delicate yet perfect steak fry. It melted in my mouth… it took me places I had never been… I closed my eyes…

And when I opened them, there was 1 fry left. I felt as if everyone was looking at me. I just stared at the empty plate in astonishment! And folks, this was a family serve type of deal. This wasn’t MY plate, it was the TABLES plate!

I didn’t remember eating them. No one else seemed to have noticed either. They were all laughing and talking. All I could do was shove my plate away and pretend it never happened.

So what now? Do I need to have a sponsor? Do I need to call someone in these moments of weakness? Do I get to keep my white star???!!!

Shut up, Lyssa.

So Sunday is another day and I have been good.

But company is coming tonight….

And it’s Mexican!!!!!!!

OK, this is the part where I eat a little dirt.

You over there, wipe that grin right off your face! You know what I’m going to say.

Here goes… BuddySlim works.

But!… and I reserve the right to say this! But, it is only week one and the road I have to travel is a very, very, very… did I say very?… OK, I did… a very long one. I have irrationally attached my tracker for all to see.

I know it’s a lot, but I always do that the first week of dieting, it’ll even out soon. Next thing ya know, I’ll be whining about why I can’t lose any weight while stuffing a chocolate Zinger in my face!

So, we’ll see this where this road trip goes… oooh road trip…. snacks…. soda….. <drool>

Oh excuse me, got a little side tracked. Well, I’m off to go clean a certain BuddySlim member’s apartment so she can move and I KNOW she has no decent junk food in her fridge, so maybe I can hold true to course and keep losing

Shut up, Lyssa and quit smiling or … or…. just hush!

Until the next interesting thing happens…. hasta!

So, what do you do when you know what to do? I know what calories do. I know what exercise does. I get it that it takes discipline. 

The problem issss……

I don’t wanna!!! <I’ll take a little cheese with that whine!>

So…. any ideas?

A fellow chubbyite and I came up with a grand scheme. Medically induced coma. Huh? Whaddya say, folks? Doctor hooks you up with all the right IV supplements, makes you go nighty nite, a physical therapist comes in twice a day to make sure your muscles don’t atrophy and any necessary plastic surgery is taken care of. Then BAM!! Six months later, you wake up and all is better!! Watch out Tyra Banks!

I’m sure insurance covers this. Right?

hahahahahaheeheeheehee!!! Wooo I tell ya’. <wipes eyes> I kill me! <sigh>

C’mon, how many of you have fantasized about having a “mishap” only to wake up months later miraculously thin?? <raises hand> That’s been a favorite for sometime for me!

To be honest with you, since I’ve been reading and writing with BuddySlim, I have to admit I’ve become very aware of my intake and have even managed to say no a couple of times.

GASP!!!

Can it be this is working???

We’ll see. It’s only day one and a half.

In the meantime, let’s see if this old nag is thirsty afterall.

Well, let’s say, “Welcome to Realityville, Kim!!!” as the intro to this blog. Like some of you out there, it takes a visit to the doctor’s office to have reality slap you in the face.

This year has been a year of health issues for  me. A fellow Chubbyite dragged me to this site kicking and screaming. Once a member of the “I can see my Toes” club, I was discouraged and mad because of the weight gain, so last year… Oops sorry, taking one last bite of mudpie <slurp!>… I gave up. My nickname became Dontwanna… in other words… don’t wanna diet, don’t wanna exercise and mainly, don’t wanna hear it from my husband, my daughter, my friends or any of my doctors.

Now…

I don’t wanna hurt anymore.

All year long, I have been in discomfort and pain from one thing or another. I’ve had a surgical procedure which revealed an ulcer… why???  Because I was stuffing myself silly. Then, I stepped wrong and hurt a knee that had been repaired 10 years before and had absolutely no problems until now and… why???? Because I am obese.

There! I said it!!

FAT!!

FAT!!

FAT!!

FAT!!

Okay, it also took me seeing myself full on in a mirror in a swim suit. I looked like a linebacker with estrogen! So…where were we? Ah, yes…then I hurt my back in June and have not recovered yet and I went to the doctor and what did he say???

FAT!!

So… I’ve been thinkin’. So what if I diet and exercise? What’s the worse that can happen? Rejoin the “I can see my Toes” club? Have my daughter not ask if I was fat. Have my husband wiggle his eyebrows at me again?

Or I can ask, “what if I don’t”.

Dontwanna may become Doeswanna.

We’ll see.

I start………………………NOW!!!!!!